Having a baby is one of the biggest events in a couple’s lives. You love the fact everyone wants to be involved with your baby, and are excited about your new arrival. Sometimes, grandparents become a little overbearing, and show up at the door more often than you would like. How to deal with intrusive grandparents when you have a baby, and still have a good relationship is a challenging question. Here are a few ideas to help.
The first thing you must do is develop a very strong backbone. The grandparents may not be thrilled with the new rules you are about to establish, but you must stick to your guns.
You and your spouse must sit down and decide on an acceptable schedule and frequency of visiting. You must make a unified decision, or it will just lead to hard feelings between the two of you. The new rules must be applied to all grandparents, not just the ones you think are being intrusive.
If you decide two visits per week is often enough, then you should also choose a schedule. Do you want to have them visit once in the middle of the week and another time on the weekend? Make sure to choose the days to work for the grandparents, too. You need to have compassion for their desires, they are almost as excited about your new baby as you are.
Once you have decided on the frequency and a schedule, the hard part begins. You will need to sit down with the grandparents as a couple and explain your need for privacy and bonding time with your baby. Explain how much you treasure their visits, and how you would never dream of excluding them. Then tell them what you need. It is best if you each do the talking to your own parents, with your spouse by your side. Do not indicate it is your spouse’s decision, tell them it was your idea to discuss it. They need to see the two of you are unified on the decision.
You must always keep in mind, having intrusive grandparents when you have a baby is very common. They are just trying to help, and wanting to experience the joy of your new baby with you. They are forgetting how much they desired private time when they were new parents.
One other item you must cover with them. You must tell them dropping off food, clothing, gifts, and other goodies will be done during the scheduled times. If you do not make this fact clear, they will cook a big pan of lasagna for you and then “drop-in” to “drop-off” the food. Of course, once they are there, they need just a little peek at the baby.
To make this all work smoothly, you need to go one step further. You need to occasionally make the unannounced, surprise visits to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. These extra moments will change their disappointment into joy. The good news, you are now in control of your lives. This is how to deal with intrusive grandparents when you have a baby, and keep everyone smiling.